Yikes

Sup Readers!

I remembered that in my intro I talked about how I am excellent at being a mess, and I realized I had really lacked sharing some of the most embarrassing and cringe worthy things I have done. I don't have a lot of shame, so this happens very often. Here is a compiled list of some fun times I have done soups awk things. They might have been in front of people, they might not have been. 

1. I was reading an article about Lin-Manuel Miranda. *Since he is such a wonderful man, I sort of said it out loud without thinking. I was sitting in a hallway at work reading it because I was keeping an eye on people coming in to the office. As I said, "oh what a wonderful man," a man walked through the hallway, awkwardly waved at me, then kept walking. I mean honestly, I WISH I was that forward when I thought a stranger was wonderful, but I certainly am not and I certainly am not pumped that some strange man thought it was me. 

2. The other day, while brushing my teeth, I felt a sneeze coming on. I didn't want to sneeze on the mirror because that would be gross. I leaned my head down toward the sink** so that I could just rinse it down the drain. I'm sure you have sneezed before--taking a leap of faith. When you sneeze, you head sort of thrusts itself downward and quite quickly at that. Do you know what is in a sink? It's a faucet. Faucets are made of metal, They are not soft or cushion-like. I whacked my head on the faucet and just sat on the bathroom floor going "AHHHH" because it hurt ferociously.

3. Later than same day, I walked into the bathroom in the cathedral of learning. When I walked in I didn't recognize the bathroom. It felt like the twilight zone. I saw construction tape and I was like oh that must be it. Then I noticed urinals and I thought oh how progressive we can use those too now. Most people would have realized they were in the men's room. Not me though, I love jumping to a good old conclusion.

4. This last one... is very near and dear to my heart because it just explains so much about who I am as a person. I would like to point out that I am very neurotic and I always think the worst thing is happening, and usually nothing happens and everything is lukewarm and blah. However, every once in a while, something like this happens that totally justifies every ridiculous thing that I do and think. This one is a little gross, but also chill out. This was really the only thing I wanted to talk about because it came up in my time hop the other day and I just feel like the world needs to know. 

So last year, I lived in a dorm on a floor where I shared a bathroom with about 11 other girls. One early evening, let's say around 6, I was going to go hang out with some friends for the evening or some other event that would involve me being gone from my dorm for 4-5 hours. I had to go to the bathroom--number 2 as the kids are calling it. I will explain this as politely as possible. Basically, I went in a hurry and didn't realize that somebody had gone before me and forgotten to flush***. I realized this after I had gone. Basically, there was nothing I could do. So naturally, I panicked and left for the evening. I got a little paranoid that I was going to be in trouble. I knew that was stupid but also it was just the ridiculous thing plaguing my brain. As I was walking back to my dorm I was thinking, "Lizzie, if anything you might overhear someone gossiping about it." 

OH WRONG WAS I. I get off the elevator to my floor and the hallways are covered in fliers. What do these fliers say? Well, in bold, underlined, and in all caps is the heading "WHO DID THIS?!" Then there were two pictures of the... incident. There was a little blurb underneath the A+ photographs which read as follows *clears throat* 

"Recently, the residents of Lothrop Hall have been seeing mysterious poops left in the toilet, These are not normal poops, my friends. The picture on the right is evidence of this. Even our cleaning lady screamed in horror the day she saw the first poop left by the 'Lothrop Log Dropper'. If you have any information on who may be dropping these logs, please put it in the Lothrop Lop Dropper Evidence File**** located in the Lounge. Thank you for your time. And to the Lothrop Log Dropper... we will find you. --  Concerned Residents."

I would have loved to have been there when they all got around one person's computer and decided which vocabulary terms to employ and what sounded the best. What were their emotions? Were they laughing? Frightened? Alert? 

And what did they think was going to come out of it if they DID find out who it was? Send me to the doctor? Make fun of me? Make me pay a quarter every time I used to bathroom? Get one of those kid bathrooms for my own room? 

I will say, props for the name. If there is ever a super hero movie about my life, I definitely want the hero to be called that. I'm wondering if any of the girls from my floor who wrote it are reading this now. If so, hey. If not, bye. 

So now, any time I feel like I am being neurotic and silly about the worst possible thing that could happen I remember, "Hey, sometimes something even worse could happen that you aren't creative enough to imagine, apparently."

Honestly, I can't say this is the first, second, third, even fourth time that my bowels have embarrassed me. The other day at Shrek the Musical during a very quiet moment my stomach erupted like the cracken and growled for no less than 30 seconds. One time I was at a really fancy restaurant and I did in fact clog the toilet all by my self. I didn't want to be the worst and leave it for someone else to deal with. Honestly public places need to keep plungers in the bathroom. I went to the bar of the restaurant and asked the waiter if I could have a plunger and he just said, "I'll let someone know." That was a fun conversation. Another time, I was spending the night at a friend house for the first time and I clogged her toilet, Her dad was the only one who knew where the plunger was so he had to go get it and he came up and brought it into the bathroom. Loved that. Basically if I haven't clogged up your toilet we aren't really friends. 

I guess if I can take anything from the experiences that I have constantly which are very similar to those mentioned above, at least now I probably won't be surprised. 

*If I have to tell you who that is, you should probably get out more

**this thought process took place in a 2 second span.

***literally WHO DON'T PEOPLE FLUSH HOW DO YOU FORGET THE FINAL STEP OF THE TOILET PROCESS WERE YOU RAISED IN A BARN YOU HAVE CAUSED ME SO MUCH HARM

****which actually existed, I checked right after I read one of the signs.